Today as I thought about what I wanted to write on Day 100 of this transformation journey what comes to mind is how do we, how did I, create space in my life, in my body, in my mind to change the way I look at my body, my inner most soul and my life.  

We all agree that we are flawed in some way shape or form; being flawed doesn’t mean you are not valuable or beautiful.  On the contrary I think it means that you have had experiences, you have lived, you have played, you have danced, you have loved, you have enjoyed this life you were given.  We all have some bumps, bruises, wounds and scars from life.   There are some scars and wounds that cut you to the core, the very fabric of who you think you are.

The body does and will heal itself but the place that was cut or wounded is forever changed.  My favorite way of looking at scars is this:  a scar is just visual proof that you have been healed.  I am learning to look at myself differently, shifting my prospective on what my body looks like, why it looks the way it does.  I am creating the space in my head to change, to move, to shift the negative self-talk to an empowering, body loving, soul loving talk.  This part has also been a journey and a long one.  Tao Te Ching says “A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. A tree grows from one seedling; a tower starts with one brick.”  This is so TRUE.

My mind began this journey by saying I want to lose weight, I had no idea that it would take me to where I am today.  That one thought could lead me to my greatest spiritual journey, to my greatest physical ability, to my authentic self.  The self that is no longer afraid to be me.  I have always been a person who cares about others, who can feel the pain of others,  as if it were my own.  I have always thought differently than most.   I have always been sensitive to my surroundings; I have always felt like I was just a little out of step with everyone else.  I am learning to create the time and space to be myself, The self that has always wanted to be a girl with a microphone, who has always wanted to tell my story, who has always wanted to empower others to live their best life, who has always wanted to find the power within me to fulfill my destiny, the self who is no longer afraid of what people think.   The self who will not hide because she is unsure of her value or worth.  The self that says I can and will do exactly what I said I would do years ago.  Write a book, speak at women’s conferences, empower women and young girls to find themselves.  I will help others learn to heal their pain, their scars, their wounds, their life.

My own personal journey began with decision to move home to Tennessee.  The truth is I could not have done anything different.  God knew exactly what he was doing because that was the catalyst for my divine life purpose.  Creating the physical space for me to start this journey, to be in a place that calls to me dirt to bone.   It created the time for me to start really looking at my body and how I was going to start healing it.  Looking back, I know that God said there is no way you can do what I have planned for you in your current state of death.  So you have to shift, change, expand and learn, so you can teach others.  I need you to be able to shine, so you can help others shine.  I need your heart to be open so that you can feel LOVE, JOY, PEACE, MERCY, COMPASSION, so you can teach it to others.  I need you to learn because what I have in store for you is incredibly LOVE and I need you to learn what that feels like, so that you can teach others about finding their path to my LOVE.  I need you to be clear minded so that you can hear me when I speak.  A journey of a thousand miles truly begins with one step, most times, with one thought, then another and another.

If you want to shift, be different, dance by the beat of a different drummer, YOU… and only YOU can take the first step.  What you need to know is that your mind is the GATEKEEPER to your heart and soul.  When you get a hold of the mind and start changing the record that is playing every day, every minute, every second and start shifting what you see, what you hear, what you say to yourself then and only then will you begin to start making space in your mind for shifting, changing and doing it different.  Are you ready to REWRITE YOUR STORY!  I know I was.  I know that I was so tired, weary, stressed, exhausted, sick, I felt so ugly.  I could hardly stand to look at myself or be in my own skin.  I have written many times that I was so tired, bone deep weary that I begged God, who I didn’t believe in, too PLEASE let my heart stop beating, let my lungs stop breathing.  It was extremely painful every day to get up and get through my day.  My wounds were bleeding, my soul was oozing, and it all showed up on my body and in my body.

Why did I feel this way BECAUSE I let other people define my value, I let another person tell me I wasn’t worthy, by actions, by words, by their hatred, by their abandonment.   This version of me was written at birth and just continued until God led me back to Tennessee.

If you are like me you have stretch marks, I have learned to LOVE mine, because it is proof that I gave life to 4 amazingly beautiful human beings.  If you are like me you have spider veins, I have them from many years of standing on my feet helping others feel beautiful.  If you are like me you have these wrinkles around your eyes, proof that I have laughed a lot and I have lived long enough to have some wisdom.  If you are like me your hands aren’t as young looking as they once were, I look at these hands and I see the tears I’ve wiped away, I see the hands that have cooked hundreds of meals for those I love, I see the hands that have held a stranger and offered them comfort, hands that have rubbed the feet of a dying women to  relieve the pain in her feet, hands that have taken care of her home and those who lived within, hands that have helped friends, hands that have offered LOVE.  I now see a body that is perfect in its imperfections because this body has loving tended many hurt people including herself.

If you have things about your physical body that you don’t like; shift you thoughts and think about all the good things that body has done for others, for you.   Shift your prospective to the good and know that we are all flawed, scarred, bruised and often hurt so deep that we don’t think the bleeding will ever stop.  I promise you this. OUR bodies, OUR hearts and OUR souls will stop bleeding and it they will heal.  A scar will be left but it is just proof of the healing.  Rejoice in it, embrace it, love it!