I am becoming increasingly aware that I don’t have the same thinking patterns as most.  I have been on this journey for 19 months and I’ve realized that I am very capable of doing anything I set out to do.  I have learned to be strong when I’m weak.  I am learning to embrace my authentic self.  I am learning to look at myself in the mirror every day and be happy for who is looking back at me.  I am learning to be more connected to my feelings, I am learning that actually to make good decisions we have to use three things in our bodies, our minds, our gut and our HEART.  I naturally go to my feelings first when making a decision.  I experience everything first and foremost through my heart and not my mind or my gut.  Can I think logically yes, but I will always run it through my heart as a filter first.

I know that I have tendencies towards strong structure and discipline.  It sounds contradictory to be use the heart to make decisions but still be structured and disciplined.  It’s the thinking different part that comes in.  I crave order and discipline because it puts me in a safe place so that I can experience my life with my heart.  So that I can filter everything through the heart.  My daily life, the way the sun feels on my skin, the way I feel when I get a phone call from someone I care about,  the way I feel when the grandkids tell me they love me, the way I feel when I talk with my tribe of women and my family.  My body and my soul need to EXPERIENCE, I need to FEEL, I need to EMBRACE this life.  My soul has to dance, sing and praise him every day.  It will not allow me to do otherwise.  (Why God chose to not make it possible for me to truthfully sing is a mystery to me and one he and I will have to discuss in great detail)

When we start thinking about our bodies, our lives and our souls on a different level our whole world changes.  When we embrace the fact that we are spiritual beings living in a human body our perspectives start to change. We start to adjust the lens that we see everything through, the lens that looks at a stranger and says we are different, the lens that says our world is for us to use.   We will start to think differently about the world and everyone in it.  We start to understand that we were all created by GOD and we are all here to fulfill his purpose.  The difference is that my path is just a little different that your path, my gifts are just a little different that yours.  I find tremendous joy, peace and beauty in that knowledge.

After my move to Tennessee and my drastic life changes all orchestrated and made possible by God.  I chose to change my surroundings. I chose to discipline myself, I chose to start believing in God, in my dreams, in my spirituality, in my life.  I chose to start looking internally for the answers that the outside world has never had for me.  Looking back on this part of my journey to thinking differently, I mentally created space for me to change my deeply rooted belief systems.  I created the space and the time for experiencing, I learned what it meant to get connected to your heart, your soul and your body.  Many people helped me on this journey, although I was alone I was never alone.

At the beginning of this thousand-mile journey, I was an empty shell just wandering around, animated, moving parts of a body but the light was out.  It was buried so deep beneath the brick walls that I had built that even I couldn’t see the way out.  The walls helped me to survive trauma, but what I didn’t know was that the wall was actually cutting myself off from the very oxygen I needed to breath and to live.

The walls did not start because I was in a toxic relationship, those walls had been built and erected from a very early age.  I can honestly say by the time I was 5 years old the walls were up and secure.  The child that lives in us all had to take up residence behind the wall for her own safety.  She had to be protected from the physical abuse her mother heaped on her, she had to be protected from the sexual abuse her mother, cousins and others did to her, she had to be protected at all cost from the kids at school who ridiculed her for who her family was and who she was.  I told a friend today during a conversation that finally at 49 years old I am completely happy being in my own skin, looking at myself in the mirror, not judging the person looking back at me, not hating what I see.

I realized today also that I still hold on to judgements that I need to clear and erase.  WE will probably always have something that we need to work on because we are not perfect but We Are Beautiful and Precious in our imperfections.   Every single act of hatred perpetuated on the child and the woman was for the very single purpose of my destiny.  Had that child and I not burned through hell, we would not be who we are today.  The very fact that I can LOVE, be peaceful, show grace, receive grace, show mercy, receive mercy have joy, to give joy is a MIRACLE and it is GODS Miracle not mine.

My journey has shown me that I have become the messenger, the student and the teacher.  I am on a journey into uncharted waters all because I decided to THINK DIFFERENTLY!

How can you look at your soul and start to think differently!  Can you commit to writing one positive thing about yourself every day and post it where you see it?  Can you commit to playing one song for yourself that you LOVE?  Play it loud and sing along. Can you commit to moving your body with something that you enjoy!  If you don’t have an exercise routine, can you commit to experiencing something new this week… yoga class, Pilates, walking, bike class, a swim class, ballroom dancing, Zumba, barre class, kickboxing, boxing, one thing?

Can you open your mind to your heart and your heart to your gut?  Can you commit to thinking differently about one thing this week?

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Dr. Wayne Dyer

Transforming, Inspiring & Empowering You!

Day 99 to Transformation!