As I write this story this evening;  I find myself, feeling a little drained, feeling a little out of step and a lot of off-balance.  It didn’t start that way; actually I felt incredibly amazing this morning as I ran before the sun came up.  I got to see the stars, the moon and the sunrise.  The magic and beauty of our world, where our God told the moon when to set, the sun when to rise, when the animals of his world should be awake and when they should sleep.  He spoke it all into existence and at this time of day you can feel with your entire being the wonder, the love, the gentleness of our world.

The haze over the soccer fields when its predawn is beyond words.  The crispness in the air, the leaves crunching under my shoes and not another soul around, the breath in my lungs showing up in the world.  It’s a time when you can hear your heart beating, the leaves falling, your footsteps as they hit the paved as your run. The peace and quiet of that time between the light and the darkness is purely magical.  It’s a time that I connect with my God who inspires me to “walk out onto the water” and trust him completely!  He whispers to me to surrender and it is in those moments that I feel connected and loved.  I hear him clearly in those moments. Forevermore I will be the one looking for the light in the midst of the darkness, because when you are given the gift of being made new it can be no other way.

I look for the light, I look for the love, I look for the peace, I look for the mercy, I look for the grace, I look for the beauty.  I am thankful for each and every step, each and every touch, each and every moment I have to be.

We all go through life sometimes feeling off balanced, drained, hurt, sad and all the other emotions we can name.   God says to surrender them.  My way of surrender is to write and create new pathways in my brain and in my body to deal with life that comes up.  I have learned;  I have to be the centurion at my gate. I am very thankful that I have learned ways that work for me to clear the thoughts that could create havoc in my heart if I allowed them to.  I write, I mirror talk, I go deep into what the thoughts are, the why behind the thoughts and if the thoughts are passing through or are they trying to take root and bury themselves into my soul.  The thoughts that I need can take root, they can bury, they can entwine themselves in my heart but the thoughts of anything less than what my creator says is my path, my way and my purpose are not allowed to take up residence.

Tonight in conversation with my youngest son it brought back some old feelings, memories of a different time and place.  It brought back memories of how he was as a little boy, how much he loved his mom and how much I loved being with him.  He was the kindest, sweetest child and we were so connected.  We spent our days together laughing, talking and playing,  He went everywhere with me, some days I am sure he wished that was not the case.  He has grown into an amazing young man, caring, kind, compassionate, understanding, disciplined and loving.  It wasn’t because he had a perfect life, because he didn’t, it wasn’t because he didn’t struggle ever, it wasn’t because everything came easy to him, but it is because he persevered, he kept his mind strong and his will stronger.  It is despite his circumstances that he is the person he is and the man he will become.

God gave me the family I wanted so desperately, he gave me the gift of being a mother, he gave me the love of children when I really didn’t deserve any of them.  He gave me the souls of these little humans to protect, to guard and to love beyond myself.  It is through them that I have found a strength I did not know I had, It is through them that I have found a compassion I didn’t know I had,  It is through them that I know that heart breaks can heal, and that unconditional love is real.  It is through them that I can only begin to understand my God’s Love for me.

So tonight… I offer gentleness and love to each of you!  Day 93 to Transformation! 

Embrace the miracle of the ones you love.  Be thankful for each day, each moment and each gentle caress.   I am truly humbled and thankful that I know the miracle of new love.  The miracle is that LOVE heals all our hurts, it covers our bruises, restores our brokenness, heals our bodies, our minds and our souls completely.