This week has been a week of challenges one after another of what I consider personal attacks.   Attacks on the very things that I have struggled so completely to overcome the last 2 years, to surrender all my outcomes to the one who can hold them.  I have spent a great deal of my time by myself over the course of this journey.   It wasn’t a decision to move to a new place it was the only path available to me.  I’ve said it may times I died in Arizona and was reborn in Tennessee.!  My soul knew exactly how I needed to learn the lesson of complete surrender and my soul knew that I needed to do this in a new place and in new experiences.

I have learned to find peace and joy in being in my own space, to take yourself to dinner, go to the movies by yourself, go to the coffee shop by yourself, even go ballroom dancing by yourself, kickboxing class though with others, I do by myself, when I run in the morning, it is by myself, when I go to the gym, it is by myself,  I go to the library by myself, grocery shopping by myself, hiking by myself and it is doing all this by myself that I found the voice of God and the voice of my soul.

It wasn’t until someone walked into my life and opened the door to God again that my compass became calibrated to point directly to God’s path.  I realized that it was through the process of creating a new life that I have learned that God has healed me completely, he has restored me to a new person whose love for him is beyond this world.  Today he has started the process for me to have COMPLETE FAITH!

The people and the experiences I have had over the last 2 years have calibrated my needle, calibrated my entire being to be in sync with the universe.  This journey has been one of learning to have wellness for my body, for my mind and my spirit.  The beginning was the exercise, then the nutrition, then walking into Church on Christmas Day.  That particular experience has set off a chain of events that I would never have dreamed of, never thought it would be possible.  Those chains of events lead me to a beautiful Holy Ghost believing church, again God knew exactly what he was doing.  He knew I needed to have a place where boundaries do not exist in his presence, where the power of his presence is wanted, desired and requested.  A place that has no limits on its belief that God shows up in miracle making ways.  It is amazing as I reflect over the year the incredible life altering and spirit altering journey it has been.

I grew up in religion, raised my children in religion and I thought I was doing what was right.  Our family went to church, I volunteered in the church, our children volunteered in the church, we were active members in the church, we baptized our children in the church, we participated in vacation bible school, I helped lead church groups and I never thought to question that there was anything more.

The last few months I have come to realize that my compass was always tuned due north that it was always calibrated to be exactly where I am today.  I say that I am completely unequipped to talk, to pray, to lead, to heal.  However, as I look back at the road that the compass has led me down it was exactly that road that has been equipping me to hear his voice, to know his voice, to want to listen so intently that nothing else matters, to want to be in his embrace surrounded so completely that there is no beginning or end.  It is through the process of looking back that I finally see that the young child who saw more than others, who felt more than others, that she was the one who did know the sound of God, knew his voice, saw his face and felt his presence.

There was a time in my life that knowing and understanding of his word was just known to me.    It was the chasing after the world that broke that knowing and understanding.  It was chasing after what the world said was needed to make a person have value that changed my path, however, and blessed be that the compass was able to lead me home; when my path was lost, the path that was covered in weeds so strong that they cut you, living gnarled vines that twisted their way into your body, your mind and your heart, forests so thick that there was no way through them.   It was the compass that led me to Tennessee, that led me to an expanded mind, that led me to a church that believes in a crazy miracle making life altering God.

It has led me to today where I am learning to have COMPLETE FAITH, to completely fall into his miracle making beliefs, to completely surrender every single thing in my life, to completely trust, to completely embrace, to completely know him to the fullest.  It has led me to knowing without a doubt that we have the power to heal within us.  I have the power to heal within me.  He is speaking and I am listening.  I am learning to walk on the water, to have obedience when he speaks.  I have prayed for my entire being to be emptied and filled again with his presence however, after all this I still have a part of me that says:

Wait a minute……….I am not ready!!!!!!  Did you really say that, are you serious? Me?  How am I going to do this? How am I going to provide for my family? How am I going to be the same? How am I not going to LOOK and SOUND like a crazy person?  I don’t know a single thing about this praying you want me do? You want me to do this right now?  I am in PUBLIC? I am not equipped for this? Am I just CRAZY!

OH my goodness, the roadblocks we construct, the why nots’? the I Cant’s, THE FEAR!!!!! It paralyzes me and you!  If you are like me in any way; the fear can be all-consuming.    Fear stops us from acting most of the time, Fear stops us from telling people we LOVE them, Fear stops us from embracing life and its experiences, Fear stops us from believing in miracles, FEAR stops us from believing in our all-powerful, all consuming, all Ominent GOD! Fear stops us from stepping into our purpose!  

So how do we shift our thought processes from the FEAR to ABSOLUTELY!  The answer lies in complete faith.  In complete understanding of how AMAZING our CREATOR truly is.  In letting go of any and all people, places or things that stand in our way of the true knowledge of GOD!  For me it is filling my mind, my body and my soul with his music, his words, and his truth! It is filling up my heart with LOVE, JOY, PEACE and it is meditating on his power, and bringing him into my presence not just for a couple of hours but all day, every second, every minute, every hour.  It is in consciously choosing a different thought process when the FEAR steps in.  It is Believing with my entire being that I am his vessel and he is the Master Orchestrator and what he wants for me is NOT all-consuming FEAR but ALL CONSUMING LOVE and ABUNDANCE!

Are you going to answer his voice? Are you going to decide today to be open to see and hear? To see the people who walk into your life, are you going to embrace them, love them? Are you going to be open to see the gifts of today?

It starts in the mind and travels to your heart!  Where is your compass pointing? Day 89 to Transformation! 

Genesis 13: 14 (b)”…...Now lift up your eyes and look from the place where you are, northward and southward and eastward and westward”