The bible says over 365 times to FEAR NOT!  Have you ever noticed how many times during the day your mind is fearful, anxious, worried, stressed?    Lately this theme keeps recurring in my own life, feelings of fear, anxiousness, worry, stress.  I catch myself saying I am scared, I am afraid, I don’t know how to deal with that situation?  So the question becomes; How do we overcome the fear, conquer it, stop our minds from living in the fear?  Churches say that Fear is the devil, that the devil is the one who puts these thoughts of fear into our heads and our hearts.  I am not sure I completely agree with this however; I do know the paralyzes that comes with fear.  I know the overwhelming feelings of helplessness, uncertainty, anxiety that fear brings.  I have learned that we have to feel the fear and move past it anyway.  The truth is that nothing is as bad as what our minds create.

It is with my heart that I look at everything, it is with my heart that I see others, it is with my heart that I hold the keys to my future, my life, my journey.  So why, do I let fear stop me in my tracks, why do I let fear consume me, why do I let fear be a part of my life.

I have to go back and look at my childhood, my beginnings, how did I learn lessons, when and where did fear show up?  Were the lessons I learned along the way fear based lessons?   Was I taught to fear from an early age?  Was I taught to mistrust and be fearful of life? Was I taught to be fearful of those who were supposed to love and protect me? Was I taught to be fearful of teachers, sibling, adults, authority figures, pastors?  Was this FEAR born in me or is it a learned behavior?

Being a mom of 4 children, I feel strongly that FEAR is a learned behavior.  We are born curious, playful, and inquisitive.  Mothers and Fathers have said at one time or another “that child knows no fear”.  It isn’t until life experiences start happening that we learn to feel fear.  Experiences like running into the street and our mothers yelling at us to stop, touching a hot stove and being scolded out of fear of us burning ourselves, falling down and hurting ourselves, discipline from our parents, teachers, guardians.  Has your child ever hidden in a store and you couldn’t find them?  That is a FEAR like no other and it doesn’t leave easily.  Sometimes, fears that come from a very traumatic experience can appear out of nowhere and in places you least expect it.  I know that Fear is the one thing that steals our tomorrows, it steals our joy, it steals our peace, and it will steal our lives if we aren’t aware of it.

I learned to fear everyone as a young child because there were no safe places and no safe people.  Being a child of abuse on all levels you learn very quickly to not trust anyone or any situation.  You learn that at any time others have the power to hurt you and they will.  Sometimes it comes unexpectedly and sometimes you know that it’s going to happen.  Can you imagine living in a world where you aren’t safe ever, even in your own home or walking in your life, as a child you are powerless to stop any of it.   As early as I can remember; I was my birth mothers’ keeper, she took me with on her nights out, her drinking binges, her escapades with men.  I was her hand holder, I was her light home, I was her drinking monitor and when she didn’t get home sober enough or for any reason; I became the outlet for her anger.  There were times when my birth father had to forcibly make her stop beating me.  My birth grandmother was my safe spot in that world of chaos and hatred.   When I was with her I knew that no harm would come to me.  I could breath for a minute in her presence.  She was my port in the raging storm.    She taught me many things in those 8 years before I went to another safe harbor, my foster moms house.  My maternal grandmother was one of the people God put in my life for a season to protect my soul, my heart and my mind.

There are many children today who still have major trauma and life issues due to an abusive childhood.  The story that someone else wrote for them. The people that were supposed to be the ones who loved you and protected you were the ones who heaped the abuse on you, A child cannot begin to understand that and most adults have no way of understanding it either.

I know that even though I was abused my soul, my heart and my mind were protected by God.  He knew the soul of me as a young child, he knew the soul I would become and where I was going.  He knew the path I was going to take to get there.  He used my past experiences of extreme abuse and neglect to make me into the person I am today.  The person who understands what it’s like to FEAR everyone and everything.  The person who is strong in her love for God, her belief that he will and he did walk with her through that raging fire.   God knew that I needed that experience to be able to have compassion, generosity, love, mercy, forgiveness and peace towards others.  He knew I would need to use those experiences to touch other lives one day!

I am awed when I look back on the road that I’ve traveled for 49 years, I look back and I see the roadblocks, the detours, the twists and the turns.  I look back and I see the people that were in my life when I needed them as if they showed up for the season and left when it was time.  I look back and I see the hills, the valleys, the streams, the storms, the fires, and the rain where my soul and my will was being forged into steel.  I recently said to someone that at this moment I won’t be able to ever be the same;

It’s like a war raging in my body and my heart.    My mind shouts be AFRAID, this isn’t going to work out, you are crazy to believe that this is any sort of miracle or that this person even came from God, this isn’t going to be easy and you are going to get hurt. After all the work, after all the tears, after all the screaming and hanging on by my fingernails, after all the reading, after all the soul searching and strength traininI’ve gone too far down the road and now my love for that person will forever more be a part of my soul and I am afraid.  We were created to love but that seems to be the biggest FEAR of them all.  To fully and freely LOVE another soul without regard for anything in return.g my mind; it comes down to five words:    FEAR EQUALS I AM NOT WORTHY.

My heart says, everything is going to be OK.  Believe in the power of who lives inside of you, believe in the love that lives in you and was protected by God for a purpose, believe in God’s words to you, he spoke them into your heart, other people have affirmed them, you speak them daily.  You have to turn up the volume on the what the heart is saying to drown out the voice of the mind.  The voice of someone else who tried to write your story.  I have to consciously choose every day to ask myself; who wrote my story and it wasn’t my past experiences or my birth mother, or the others who hurt me.  What that voice in my mind doesn’t understand is that GOD has already written my story, he has already spoken and declared what my heart looks like, what my love looks like, what my purpose looks like and NONE of it has any room for the negative self-talk, the doubt, or the FEAR!  I see FEAR as darkness and LOVE as light!  Light over powers the darkness and it has no choice but to recede.   Pure Love with no attachments, with no need of getting something in return overcomes all things, in all situations, and in all circumstances.

So, how do we turn up the volume of the heart?  I have created a sacred space in my home and most importantly IN MY MIND!    I am a huge fan of journaling everything I feel strongly about.  I mirror talk and post what I am working on all over my mirror so that I can read it daily.  I listen to music that stirs my soul and creates positive energy in my body.  I work out for my body, my mind and my soul.  I read only books that bring me joy and bring me to a firmer and higher understanding of how God works.  I put food in my body that will allow me to be healthy and think more clearly.  I choose to believe that I can walk in the spirit world all day every day.  I closely guard my thoughts and my mind; as it is the gatekeeper to my heart.   When fear starts with his dark vines that are twisting my mind and my heart up I have learned daily to lean into my journey.   How I’ve learned to love myself finally, how I’ve learned that GOD is my creator, my orchestrater, my joy, my peace, my sacred space.  I have to choose daily to keep walking with him and when I’m tired or weary let him carry me.   I choose to surrender daily not just in times of fear, stress, worry!  I have to surrender every little piece of me to him, knowing he’ll give it back whole and perfect.

What does your mind tell you daily? Start noticing how many times during the day that your mind says, I can’t do that? I am scared, I am afraid, this isn’t going to work? What am I thinking?

Try starting a journal page for a couple of days where you log how many times a negative self-talk creeps in that is fear based?  Then beside the fear based word write a LOVE based word.   Take the biggest fear; shift it into something strong and powerful, post it on your mirror, in your car, on your phone. Use it as your mantra this week.

Start imagining your sacred space in your mind? What will it look like, what will it feel like? What is the color of the space, the size?  Is it open and airy, or cozy and quiet? Is it made up of pure white, warm golds, red like autumn colors, or green like grass, blue like the sky?

Meditate on changing your FEAR to LOVE, on creating your sacred space and leaning into God’s embrace!  Surrender, he’ll send you back whole and perfect! I promise, I believe it, I speak it and I know it because he did it for me;  he’ll do it for you!

Day 96 to Transformation! Choosing LOVE over Fear, The Heart over the Mind!

2 Timothy 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.